Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
