11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
