It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
tell me about the eggs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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