i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
