So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
