Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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