I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
