seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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