it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
