just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
