Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm at about main and main street
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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