How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
