There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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