Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Randomize
