Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
