Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
