Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
