my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
