first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
