Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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