my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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