best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
