So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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