I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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