there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
