wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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