I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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