drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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