just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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