the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
