i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
