I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
