i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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