I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
