When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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