I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
