Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
