You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
