got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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