I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
