We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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