If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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