she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
