Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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