Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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