Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you didnt know i had herpes?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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