You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize