you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
