there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
