Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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