dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize