she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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