One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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