i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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