I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
