my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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