But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
