Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
