Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
