Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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