I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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