Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
