The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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