All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
