I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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