I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
